Dazed and Confused

Pet Peeve Thursday: Telephone Trees

by guest blogger Nancy J. Cohen

How often have you tried to reach customer service on the telephone only to be transported through multiple levels of automated replies? Not only does this take up your time, but it raises your aggravation factor tenfold. 

“Just give me a person,” you shout into the phone to no avail.

When that doesn’t work, you punch the “O” on your keypad. Instead of bringing up the operator, you get a message that says, “I’m sorry, I don’t recognize that response.” And the litany of automated choices begins again.

A while ago, I came across a post online that mentioned a website called http://gethuman.com. This useful site lists companies with instructions on how to bypass their telephone tree.

A miracle!

Of course, every time I want to call someone, I’m not going to look up this website, scroll down to the company, and read the instructions. Too much rigmarole. But the site does give some general tips that may be useful. For example, repeatedly say “Customer Service” or “Representative”, and you might get connected to a live person. Or push the zero key. As mentioned above, though, this may not get you the operator, in which case the automated choices are read to you again.

It’s just so annoying when we have to talk to a machine these days instead of a person. Trying to get hold of someone in your doctor’s office is probably the worst. You end up leaving a message, and if you’re lucky, you might get a call back by dinner time. The cable company? Forget it. We’d finally reached tech service and scheduled an appointment. The night before, we received an automated phone call that said the problem in the area had been fixed and our appointment was canceled. What problem in the area? I had to call up all over again and reschedule, then wait for two more automated confirmation phone calls.

Give me back the old days when real people answered the telephone.
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Nancy J. Cohen is an award-winning author who writes romance and mysteries. Her popular Bad Hair Day series features hairdresser Marla Shore, who solves crimes with wit and style under the sultry Florida sun. Here latest entry in the series is Shear Murder:  Who knew weddings could be murder?  Hairstylist Marla Shore is weeks away from becoming a bride herself when she walks down the aisle as a bridesmaid at her friend Jill’s ceremony. Things take a turn for the worse when the matron of honor ends up dead, the cake knife in her chest. Now what will they use to cut the cake? BUY NOW!

Follow Nancy on her Social Networks: Website   ~ Blog ~ Twitter ~ Facebook ~ Goodreads

Leave a comment during Nancy’s blog tour and enter to win a free signed book.
 

Got balls? (Dryer, that is.)

Okay, so I've been seeing these dryer balls in the grocery store for months and I wondered ... do they really work?

Okay, I'm looking to stop using any kind of chemicals I can ... but I also wonder if it is bad to have plastic balls in your dryer getting HOT and possibly giving off chemicals that you're trying to avoid by using them.

Does anybody know?

Does anybody use them?  If so, do you like them?

Thousands want to know!

My glamous boots -- NOT!

Winter's here, and I've got boots.

For many years (more than a decade), I couldn't say that.  Why?  Because I couldn't find any boots I liked.  Okay, I'll admit it. My last pair of boots leaked like sieves and I figured I may as well just wear my sneakers and have wet feet anyway.  But this year ... I decided to bite the bullet.

I'm no clothes horse.  I've had fashionable boots in the past.  Not only did they leak, but they hurt my feet.  This year, my mother saw a pair of Totes boots she liked at JCPenney, but they didn't have her size, so I ordered them for her online.  As it happens, we wear the same size shoe, so when her boots came, I tried them on, and--Whoa--they fit perfectly. Even better, they weren't super expensive.  I went straight home and ordered a pair for myself.

What a difference.  Unlike my sneakers, they're WARM.  So far my feet have stayed dry.  I can shovel and not have Popsicle toes.  I am a happy camper!

It's true, they are NOT glamorous, but so what?  I want warm, dry feet and they deliver.  Now to hope they last more than one season without leaking.

Are you a fashion hound when it comes to boots, or do you just want dry feet?

The Shoe Goddess

by guest blogger Janet Bolin
 
My mystery-writing career began when someone lost a shoe.

I found it.

To the consternation of the woman walking with me, I shoved the shoe into my briefcase and took it home.

The next morning, I took the shoe to work and called my doctor.

Are you still with me? Oh, sorry, that was rather a large . . . um . . . step.

Okay, here’s how the conversation went, sort of.

Me: “Have any of your patients reported losing an orthotic?”
Receptionist: “No.”

Me: “Because I found one. It matches my orthotic.”

Receptionist: “Is it yours?”

Me: “No. The sticker on the bottom of mine says Bolin. The sticker on the bottom of hers is torn, but these are the letters I can read. T-E-N-A.”

Receptionist: “First or last name?”

Me: “I don’t know.”

Silence.

Me: (getting desperate—as anyone who has ever purchased orthotics knows, they are hideously expensive.) “It’s in a blue suede woman’s shoe, size 8M.”

More silence. Then, with a great deal of doubt, “I’ll see if we have any patients matching that.” Click. Dial tone.

My sense of triumph lasted at least an hour. But day after day passed, and I didn’t hear from the doctor’s office. Some poor woman had lost an expensive item, and could be hobbling around on very sore feet. On one very sore foot.

What could have possibly happened to her? Maybe something terrible.  
  
I started to write about a woman setting out to find the owner of a lost shoe.  I scribbled and scribbled (actually, I keyed the words, but scribbling sounds much more dramatic) and couldn’t stop.

Finally, I received a call. “I hear you found my shoe.”

Tena showed up at my office to collect her shoe and her expensive orthotic. She brought me a HUGE chocolate chip cookie in the shape of a high-heeled shoe. “The people in my office are calling you the Shoe Goddess,” she said.

Breaking off and gobbling chunks of cookie, the people in my office probably started thinking of me as the Chocolate Chip Cookie Goddess.

We all lived happily ever after.

All of us, that is, except for the woman in my story who lost a shoe . . .

That was my first manuscript, the one that lives in the proverbial drawer. But I was hooked on writing mysteries.

What about you? Did you ever do something strange that propelled you into accomplishing something you’d always wanted to try?

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The first book in Janet Bolin’s Threadville Mystery series is Dire Threads. Visit her website or talk to her on Facebook and/or Twitter.  The second book in the series is Threaded for Trouble, arriving in stores June 5, 2012, and is now available for pre-order.

Dire Threads:  Amazon ~ Kindle   ~ Barnes & Noble / Nook   ~  Indigo   ~  Books A Million   ~  The Book Depository    ~  Independent (US) Bookstores

Threaded For Trouble:  Amazon   ~  Barnes & Noble   ~  The Book Depository   ~   Books A Million  ~ Independent (US) Bookstores

Even I can look trendy!

Well, it's about time I spiffed up.  I mean, I do have a book signing to go to in a couple off week.  (I'll be signing The Walled Flower.  If you're in the Rochester, NY area -- maybe you can come and say "HI!") 

Now, I hate to dress up, but in the past couple of months, I've invested in several scarves. I have a really pretty purple and gold one (it shimmers), silver, a black-and-white floral.  I even have a few knitted ones. (The one I made myself convinced me that my knitting days are over, thank you very little Mr. Carpal Tunnel syndrome.)

But what do I know about wearing them?  Well, isn't Google just the best thing around.  I found a video to help me out.  (Although, come on -- NOT choice No. 3.  The woman looks like she's trying out to be the bow on a Valentine's Day gift.)

 

So far I've successfully worn one of my scarves once. I mean, I went to a party and nobody laughed. In fact, a couple of other women were wearing very nice scarves. I felt like I belonged (and believe me, that doesn't happen very often).

Do you wear scares to spiff up?

My New Favorite Movie

Okay, over the years I've had a LOT of favorite movies.  And now I have a new one.

Okay, I still have LOTS of favorite movies that I watch depending on my mood.  Sometimes I watch Star Trek: The Search For Spock, because if there was ever a story that explores the depths of friendship, that's it.  I love Star Trek First Contact because we see Captain Picard pushed to the brink, and yet . . . he's still every bit a hero. 

I watch Pollyanna when I have a long and boring task (because it's incredibly LONG and Hayley Mills is charming).  I also love The Secret Garden. (I usually read the book a couple of times a year, too.)

I love White Christmas and hate Betty Haines every time I watch it.  But I still watch it.  Wayyyyy too many times when Christmas rolls around.  (Why didn't she just ask Bob what he was up to?  Nooooo, that would have shortened the story by about twenty minutes.  But she wouldn't have looked like such a jerk.)

But lately I've been watching Love Actually (when I can tear myself away from my latest manuscript.  I admit, I did watch it at least four times in December ... not all that much, really.)  It's such a cool movie, with so many different looks at what makes love.  People in love.  People out of love.  People wanting love.  Peopel denying themselves of love.  And though it's set at Christmastime, it doesn't have to be Christmas to enjoy it. And, for most of the couples, it has a happy ending.  (Come on, sometimes you really just want to see  happy ending.)

What's your current favorite movie?

An embarrassing monogram

Last week I went to the Lands End Inlet (as opposed to outlet) store.  Way cool!  I was on a mission:  to buy one of their wonderful tote bags.  I thought it would be a great way to carry stuff to and fro this summer when we go to the cottage.  (Can you tell I'm already counting the days until we can start going down there again?)

So we drove across town and go into the store.  I asked one of the clerks where to find them. She said against the wall, but if we didn't mind monogrammed ones, they were on sale.

She wasn't kidding.  The monogrammed ones -- I assume ones that were ordered but for some reason never purchased, or perhaps they were monogrammed incorrectly -- were drastically cheaper.  As a former vendor in an antiques co-op, it pains me to pay retail for anything, so getting a bargain was a good deal for me.

I picked through the bags (and boy, were there a lot of them) and found the perfect one.  It was white with pink accents with a monogram of HCO.  Not only that, but there are cool pockets inside, and it zippered shut.  Can you say "almost perfect in every way?"

When I went to pay for it, the clerk said I would get an extra 20% off.  Even better!  As she cashed out my purchase, she asked if I was interested in removing the monogram.  I was.  So she put in a sheet of instructions on what to do.  Ya know what, I actually read the thing for helpful hints! 

I got home, borrowed a seam ripper from my mother, took out a pair of fine tweezers and went to work.  First, I went after the BIG C in the middle.  Whoa--this was a lot harder than it looked.  I had to get out Mr. L's head loupe because the stitches were very tiny and my close-range eyesight has never been all that good.  After quite a long time, I managed to pick out all of the letter C.  As far as I was concerned, that was enough.  Until I realized what the remaining letters spelled.

Can you say "HO!"

NO, I did NOT want to be known as a HO -- but oy!  The "O" was pretty easy, but it took forever to pick out that H, which had a lot of curlicues. Afterwards, I followed the instructions, which said to use a little liquid Ivory Snow and gently wash the area with a toothbrush and it would help hide the offending letters. (Lucky I had some on hand.)  I did, and it did! Now I have a lovely tote and without someone else's monogram or an offensive term written on it.

What was your last great bargain?

If I had unlimited income . . . .

Recently one of my ex-co-workers responded to a Facebook post where I talked about the upcoming release of The Walled Flower.  (okay, can you blame me?  It's one of my favorite topics right about now.)  In it she said, "I know somebody famous."

Wait a minute.  Me, famous?

No, no, no.

I'm not even a celebrity (and when you consider that people like Paris Hilton and Kim Kardashian get to be celebrities by appearing in sex videos -- no thanks, that's not the life I'm looking for).

Let's face it, even in my Lorna Barrett persona (my best known name), I couldn't walk into a Starbucks in Rochester, NY and get a free cup of Joe by pulling the fame card.  "Who?" they say, squinting at me and taking in my faded jeans (they got that way by years of wear, not by paying an exorbitant price.  And besides, I don't drink coffee.)

I've always heard it's better to be rich than famous.  I think that must be true, but about now, I'm wondering how to get to the rich part.

And if I was rich, what would I do with all that money? 

Well, first off, I'd get a brand spanking new kitchen.  I have a TINY kitchen (and worry that future prospective buyers will bolt when they find out it's so tiny there's no room for even a bistro table and chairs), but I don't even want granite counters, and stainless steel appliances.  Nope, just some new counters (Formica is fine with me) and reface the cabinets.  Oh, and replace the slippery-when-wet ceramic tile with one that has a little texture.

A new car.  Not a Caddy or even a BMW ... nope.  A Town and County minivan with stow-and-go seats.  Don't even need extra BRDs (beverage restraint devices) because I use both hands to drive (and, as mentioned above, I don't drink coffee). 

I could give more money to charity if I had more to spare.  My favorite charities are:  Crackerbox Palace farm animal rescue (a lot of people see farm animals as expendible.  Well, I don't. They deserve a long and happy life just like cats and dogs), The Wayne County Humane Society (I'd give to the one in my own county, only they are well funded--Wayne County has a lot of poverty, and not enough $$$ to spay and neuter, etc.) and St. Jude's Children's Research Hospital (although I'd feel a lot more comfortable giving them more money if they laid off sending stuff out like stickers and calendars and stuff and just used the money I send to CURE KIDS OF CANCER!!!!!).  I'd also give more to my local Food Pantry. 

Okay, I MIGHT buy a few bracelets and earrings, and a couple of 1950s Christmas figurines that cost more than a buck each (my garage sale limit).  But other than that . . . .

What would you buy if you had unlimited funds?

Inching up my stats

I have counters on the index (home) pages of my websites (and even on this blog).  That way I can see how many people come to visit on a daily/weekly basis.

It's no surprise that my Lorna website gets the most hits, and it's pretty steady.  (That's unique visitors.)  I sure wish it was more, but I'll take what I can get.

Unfortunately, my other two personas don't get those kinds of hits.  It's discouraging to me, because I've been shouting from any rooftop I can find that I'm writing under three names.  Lorraine's site is doing eh-okay.  L.L.'s site ... you don't want to know.  This pie chart isn't accurate, but it's not too far off, either.

This is rather discouraging.  Especially since Lorraine has a new book coming out Februray 7th.

I put my website address on all my promotional material.  I list them in the acknowledgments in all my books.  I would expect that more people would seek the sites out. 

Do you think the golden age of websites is over?  What do you like to see in an author's website?

(Just in case you want to visit my websites to compare them, you can find them by clicking my various names:  Lorna ~ Lorraine ~ L.L. )

Winter's ugly return

Here in Western NY, we've been enjoying November for the past three months.  I'm sure other parts of the Northeast have, too.   It's been great.  I mean, I can't remember such a wonderful winter.  A winter with virtually no snow.

Last year was the pits.  It seemed like it snowed every day. I was out there with my roof rake just about every day, and snowblowing the top of the driveway, too.  (We have an "L" shaped driveway.) Over the summer, we had our landscaping redone.  Weeeee!  Suddenly without all that overgrown stuff lining the drive, the plowman can get in and plow the L-shaped top of the drive.  But oddly enough ... he's only had to do it once.

Until today.

Winter has suddenly reappeared.  BAH!  Humbug.

I was quite prepared to go straight through until May with November weather and now ... it's all been ruined.

I'm sure that a few weeks from now Punxsutawney Phil pops out of his hole on February 2nd, you just KNOW he's going to way SIX MORE WEEKS OF WINTER.  I'm just afraid he'll say TWELVE more weeks of winter because we've skirted the issue for so long.

How's winter been where you live?